Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Tonight, I feel that if it means I'll never have to feel this way again, I would prefer to be alone for the rest of my life.

Note to self: keep your fucking guard up.

I'm not going let this happen again. Next time, I won't ignore the obvious clues in the hopes that it will still work out. Next time, I won't get myself so wound up, even when I pretend, even for me, that I'm not.

Next time? I'll remember that I am truly a playa, and playas don't let their hearts in on the game. Ever.

Self-protection above all else.

Also, a note to any third parties: I'm not mad at anybody but me.

“Wait! I want to give you something.”

“You want to give him sumthin'.”

“Shut up.”

You're Marilyn Monroe!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

Gentlemen prefer blondes, afterall.

Everyone is out of school and now summer is moving along at its own—sometimes annoying, sometimes refreshing and leisurely—pace. The air has restored its so-thick-you-can-drink-it quality, there is a distinct lack of responsibility for anything not happening right now. I can't decide whether or not I like the slight idleness that is coming to me. I usually feel lately like I have to much time on my hands, and have been filling it with music and beer and long walks. Maybe not the best thing, but I have convinced myself that I am still a baby, and I have plenty of time before I have to truely and finally grow up for real.

I'm mostly excited for May to be over and done with. I'm crazy restless.

x. Fallen for your best friend - No no no.
x. Been rejected - Yeah.
x. Been in love - No.
x. Done something you regret - a couple things, it doesn't keep me up at night or anything Read More »

Minutes Details (My mobile minutes since the 10th)

This just struck me as funny. Perhaps I'm overpaying? Read More »

Today went relatively smooth. I woke a little later than I wanted, but I got everything that I needed to get done.

I like throwing on a shirt and a bandana over my head and walking to the market. I like that the day was hot and bright. I like making people happy. I like swiping my platinum card and worrying about it later. I like the guy at the cig shop who always smiles at me. I like the new Starbucks Strawberries & Crème, although for me, it will never beat the sweet, strong taste of espresso. I like my time with Abie.

I like seeing old friends.

I don't want any of us to move away or get married or grow up, but it is happening. Everyone around me is becoming an adult.

Here's to hoping this summer lasts forever.

I almost joined face party today, until I realized I need another internet profile like I need a hole in my head.

That is, to say, not at all.

Webmonkey—the phenomenon that shaped my early teen years, as well as the reason I have a job today—is going under.

I can't get my site to work in Firefox and it's driving me completely mad.

Despite my best efforts I was still late for work today.

I listened to I didn't understand by Elliott Smith all morning. It has no instruments and is mostly just choral and kind of mournful. I projected onto it, and it kept me from freaking out.

there's nothing here that you'll miss
I can guarantee you this is a cloud of smoke
trying to occupy space
what a fucking joke
what a fucking joke
§

You are a STUDENT of the English language!


You are on your way to becoming
gramatically sound; however, you must keep
studying if you ever want to be a master. You
do manage to speak better than most Americans,
but then again, that's not really saying too much...


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Today has been just horrible in every respect. I'm glad it's almost over.

Time for beer.

So, I was rejected. Again.

No matter. I will persevere.

I'm not broken hearted. Just a little bewildered and pretty damn angry.

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them, I shall use my time.”

– Jack London 1876-1916

Every semester, at finals, there is a song that I will listen to over and over and over again, and it gets me through. Last Spring, is was Aerosmith's Walk this Way. Last Fall it it was Damien Rice's Cheers Darlin'. For my purposes this semester, it has been Al Green's Love & Happiness, which I kept on a loop for the entire afternoon until I had to take my final at 3:30.

I know in the spirit of go-out-there-and-getem I should be listening to things that are more "eye of the tiger", but end of semester, the last thing I need is to get more wound up. Al Green just keeps me from hyperventilating. With all the coffee I've had lately it's totally possible.

And now I want to scream “Viva la summer!” and kick off my shoes and run through the grass barefoot and go to the pool and sleep through the hottest part of the afternoon.

Then I remember I'm not 12 anymore, and tomorrow is just like any other Tuesday. I'm going to get up, and I'm going to go to work. When I come home, I'm going to make myself dinner, and maybe watch a movie, but nothing else too crazy, because I have work Wednesday morning. I will spend a significant part of this week cleaning the apartment that has gotten to be a wreck since everyone has been studying and freaking out about end of semester and insanely busy.

Basically, I will just continue doing what I'm doing, because adults don't get summer off.

This is not to undermine the freedom I have from academia in the coming months (there's nothing like it. Work stress pales in comparison to school stress, always). Really, this shouldn't even be a issue, because this time last year I was already working. But then I realize this time last year I was facing a summer of crashing at my parents house, driving dad's car, eating their food and having no bills except my mobile phone and keeping gas in the car.

Goodness how times have changed.

While I wouldn't trade living in Athens for anything, I sure would like to win the lottery right now.

I know you and I don't have the greatest relationship right now (truly, I doubt your existence most of the time!) but if you make this art school thing happen for me, I promise nothing else but to make you and everyone down here damn proud.