Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Each year, we at the house take an intimate look at the last 12 months, in a frighteningly frank way. This is to keep things honest, despite anything else that may have been written. This year it seems more important that ever, because we haven't been checking in as much.

As always, if you think you may be offended by cursing, graphic sexuality, talk about death, destructive relationships, or substance abuse, among other topics, turn away now. Have some kittens.

In addition, if you feel that such talk might ruin your holiday, save the read until after the new year.

And now, on with the show.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
   One cool night in late April, I had an amazing night out with my friends. It wasn't more special than other nights out in terms of activity, but there was this vibe, and all the elements – the company, the timing, even the weather – came together to make it the most fun I had had in a long time at that point. I was riding high, and that's why it makes no sense that at the end of the night, I promptly went home and sliced into one of my wrists while playing Elliot Smith's Twilight on a loop. That was the first and last time I ever attempted to end my life.
   This year also included some other firsts, with varying degrees of seriousness:
   • The first time that I went to a strip club (Clermont Lounge, Atlanta), where I danced the night away
   • The first time I ever drove when I knew I was too wasted
   • The first time I did any professional photography (for Sarah's record art)
   • The first time I freaked out from smoking pot, including extreme paranoia and auditory hallucinations
   • The first time I ever called someone “sir” in a sexual context, and the first time I enjoyed being violently slammed up against a wall, along with other seriously injurious punishment
   • The first time I was seduced into bed by a foreign accent (not the same man)
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
   Nope.
3. Did anyone close to you die?
   No.
4. What would you like to have in 2008 that you didn't have in 2007?
   I want to be happy with myself.
5. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
   Cinco De Mayo. The events of my day didn't have much to do with the holiday itself, but the things that happened that day pretty much changed the way I think about myself and my life. It's a little private (can you believe it? Me? Private?) but the major themes are sex, death and relationships. I also got a glimpse into what my future could be, and I was so. happy. I'd never been as happy before or as happy since.
6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
   I actually turned my business into a success. I'm no fool, I know this has as much to with luck as with anything else, but I know my talent had a little something to do with it. It's very exciting.
7. What was your biggest failure?
   I gained back all the weight I lost in 2006. Also, I missed the wedding of one of my best friends, because I couldn't work out the logistics to get there. I feel terrible about that.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
   Just your standard debilitating head cold last month and spilling into this month. Now I've got this cough I can't quite shake, but I'm going to be fine.
9. What was the best thing you bought?
   Anything having to do with the business -- my own virtual private server, business cards, a sophisticated invoicing system, a dedicated phone line.
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
    CB! Because despite everyone begging him not to go, he moved out west and went after what he wanted, without being scared or cowed by all his friends insisting that he was some how betraying them. I'm really proud.
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    A certain friend of mine, who this year has had some problems keeping it together and knowing her own limits when she's drinking. She knows it. The ensuing situations have really stressed me out, and when I'm not with her, to keep an eye on her, I worry.
12. Where did most of your money go?
    Food, smokes, beer.
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    Anytime I landed a big contract.
14. What song will always remind you of 2007?
    Discotech, by Young Love
15. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
    I think I am sadder. There are feelings I had never had before this year, and knowing what I know now, it is a little harder to trick myself into believing certain fictions. However, I am getting used to it, slowly, and I believe that my life can be rich and full without those things I had so wished for, but have now realized are probably never going to happen. Maybe that's a certain fiction too, but it is one that is more in step with the reality of my life, and it makes things easier instead of harder.

    ii. Thinner or fatter?
    Fatter. I lost a ton of weigh last year in the space of a couple of months, and just recently, I gained almost all of it back. This is not the direction I wish to go in, clearly, but I'm working on reversing the trend.

    iii. Richer or poorer?
    Slightly richer. I'm current on my rent and quite a few of my bills, I don't starve, and just recently I went to Target and bought myself some new clothes. I probably haven't had a single new item of clothing in over two years, so I believe this is a sign that I am on my way up.

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
    Making money.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
    Laying around feeling sorry for myself.
18. How will you be spending Christmas?
    With family and friends at my parent's house. Standard fare - presents, celebratory fowl, etc.
19. Did you fall in love in 2007?
    I fell in love for the first time this year. Unfortunately, it was entirely unrequited. I know this because I straight up went to the man and told him I was interested (I did not use the loaded word love, partially because I didn't realize yet that's what I was feeling, and partially because I'm not an idiot), and I was summarily shut down, albeit gently. It sent me into sort of a tailspin that fucked up my life for awhile. I could not stop thinking about him, and I'll admit that it bordered on obsession until I got my feelings under control, and the wound started healing up.
20. How many one night stands?
    One, with a friend. First time I ended up sexually involved with someone that I continued to be friends with after the act, so that was nice.
21. What was the best book you read?
    Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird: Some Thoughts on Writing and Life. It made me want to take up writing again in a serious way, which of course I haven't. But still.
22. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, Apes & Androids, the Mooney Suzuki (who are, by the way, one of the greatest live bands working right now), Pink Martini, and the Dark Romantics (also a compelling live band).
23. What did you want and get?
    I wanted for my business to be a success, and hey, it's quickly turning into an actual success, so go me!
24. What did you want and not get?
    Someone who did not belong to me.
25. What was your favorite film of this year?
    I saw Secretary for the first time this year, and promptly watched it about a dozen more times. I couldn't believe how connected I felt to that movie.
26. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
    I got drunk at Barcode, thanks to some generous friends. I was extra smashed, lost some time, and took photos of myself during the lost time. But the best thing was all the people that showed up to hang out with me.
    A few days after my birthday, on a Friday, my parents took me to see 300. Beautiful fight scenes, hot guys, poor acting between the action.
    I was 24.
27. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    More dance parties.
28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
    Same as always. Jeans, t-shirts.
29. What kept you sane?
    Actually, I kept telling my friends and family that the sudden surge in my work load was actually making me crazy, and it was. I'm pretty sure it changed my brain chemistry.
30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    Anyone with impressive abs? I honestly can't think of anyone.
31. What political issue stirred you the most?
    I kind of can't believe what a crazy joke the whole presidential race is. I can't stand how the media is responsible for picking the candidates, and how the average voter is completely disenfranchised.
32. Who did you miss?
    • Neil. Sometimes I feel like I really need him around to not be totally nuts. Some how I manage though.
    • The Indian. I haven't been a very good friend to him this year.
    • He's only been out west for a few months, but I miss the hell out of CB.
33. Who was the best new person you met?
    Donny, hands down. We got to be super close in a frighteningly short amount of time, and he totally changed the way I think about myself and my life.
34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
    Even when it's business, it's personal. Especially when it's business, actually.
35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    “100 days / 100 nights / To know a man's heart / And a little more before / He knows his own”
    
    Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings