Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

This Christmas, for the first time in many years, I'm not buying presents for anyone. It's a hard candy Christmas—with apologies to Dolly Parton—and the state of my finances makes it impossible. In lieu of material things, which are hardly in the spirit of Christmas anyway (right?), I present for your viewing pleasure, two songs from my 19 year old self, and some reflection on these performances. Why the dissection? We compulsively analyze things. You know we can't stop just for Christmas.

Note: streaming flash video appears below. If if doesn't work, or you prefer Windows Media, or even want to grab the MP3 audio versions, you can find the original, four-year-aged post here.

These are two songs from the 106 West Annual Christmas Show in 2002. I know that if you are much older than me, four years probably doesn't sound like a long time, but to me it feels like a lifetime ago. This was after I had gone to college, but before I had made any close friends there, before I ever had a job, before I ever paid bills, before I cut my hair, before I had gotten over my shyness and learned how to talk to people, before Abie taught me how to dress in a way that wasn't hideous.

River (Joni Mitchell Cover):

While you can't appreciate how loud everything was, especially the applause from the audience, what you can see in this video is how uncomfortable I am on stage, in my own skin. I look at this now and think, “Get your hands out of your pockets! Why the hell did you pick that outfit?” and even “That is completely the wrong bra for you.” Overall, the person in the video feels like someone different, not me, but I can relate to her on one level, about something you can't see in the video.

I hesitate to bring it up even now, because it's long past, but it's important to my appreciation of the performance, and I've never talked about it before. At Christmas in 2002, I was estranged from one of my best friends in the entire world. The worst part was that I felt it was entirely my fault. It was probably the loneliest I have ever been. This feeling permeated every facet of my life for awhile, so while I had no romantic interest in this friend, I still related to River on a deep level (“I’m so hard to handle / you know I’m selfish and I’m sad / I lost the best baby that I ever had”), so much so that every time I sang the song the pain hurt my heart. I often am praised for an extremely emotive performance of River, and that's because I can't sing it, or even watch this performance of it, without being transported back to that time.

We eventually reconciled (with a vengence), so in the end, everything worked out, but sometimes, I still wish that I had handled the situation a different way, so that maybe I wouldn't have lost that time. Even if it means that the performance would have suffered.

Please Come Home For Christmas (Charles Brown Cover):

“A! Everything I sing is in A!”

Here, despite my lack of a compelling stage presence, I've got the audience in the palm of my hand. It's a pretty stiff performance, until the monitor made a strange, very loud sound (at the first “So won't you tell me / you'll never more roam”) and all I could do was open my eyes in shock, smile and laugh it off. However, by the end of the song, I'm freaked out to be on stage again.

The applause at the end of the song was absolutely unreal. The video doesn't at all capture the roar that came at me. One of my biggest regrets to date is that I practically ran off stage instead of taking a moment to bask in the glory.

These days I don't sing as often as I used to. Chances are, however, that I'll be making an appearance at the 106 West (Site | MySpace) Annual Christmas show, next Saturday night, December 16th, at 7:30 PM. The show is free, and should be pretty rockin, if past years are any indication. I would love to see you there.

Tonight was Jump at Georgia Theatre. I definitely had the best time ever, dancing and screaming and singing along. Completely revived my love for Jump. They played a lot of news songs and a lot of old-new songs and some Magazine and a little teeny bit of Vertigo (and even one off Early Years). I was quite satisfied with my Jump show experience.

After I galavanted with the hooligans, somehow it was decided that a caravan of people were going to come see my apartment, two blocks away. I was not involved in this decision but it made me very happy anyway, even though it was really not ready to receive guests, given the dust monsters forming in every corner.

We arrived and gave everyone a tour, and of course, since I am in rock star training and also the slut of the house, Alli insisted that I sing for the crowd of people sitting in our living room waiting to go to the Grill.

I attempted to entertain with (what else but) the song I call Christmas Blues, which was not written by me but by some old guy, and I'm also pretty sure I don't use the right name. Even though I could here my voice shaking a little at some parts everyone seemed to enjoy it.

We then made our way down to the Grill and had out milkshakes, pies, fries with feta, etc, and went our separate ways.

I arrived home at four o'fucking clock in the morning, with the street sweepers coming out and the whole scene around my block dying down. That's how you know you are hardcore.

As promised, the internet has given me the ability to be a master digital archivist of my life. Sounds like a bad hp commercial.

Anyway.

106 West's Annual Christmas program, Saturday, December 14th, 2002. Me performing 2 songs:

Joni Mitchell's River: MP3 Audio | Streaming Video

Christmas Blues: MP3 Audio | Streaming Video

I'll be here all week! Tip your servers. Thank you and goodnight.

The weekend was good.

On Friday I went with a group to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding. See this movie. I command you. So funny, and so sweet. And totally makes you wish you were Greek.

Saturday, I went to lunch with my dad, and then I got a new watch battery and new shoelaces! If you have ever been a starving student, you understand how thrilling it is to be able to afford things you actually need. My shoelaces were falling apart, and obviously, my watch had stopped. I also got some Dr. Martens's leathercare and now my shoes look {almost} like new. Yey!!

Davistreet played at 106 West in the evening, and then me and my crüe convorted around Winder, visiting both Waffle House and Walmart. That's what there is to do in Winder. But it's fun.

Today I rehearsed my numbers for next week's Christmas program. Everyone come out!!! There are going to be lots of special guests. Then my fam drove me back to school, and here I am.

Classes tomorrow, 2 finals on Friday, then one more on the 17th. Just gotta push through this last stretch.

Off to get my beauty sleep!!!

P.S. Evolution Box Set — IwantthisIwantthisIwanthis.

So on Friday, Kim Parker (one of my father's friend from high school, known to me for most of my life as "Auntie Kim") sang at 106 West with my father. And as I sat in the soundbooth manning the technical aspects while watching the show, it slowly occurred to me, listening to Kim sing, that she was probably the earliest influence on my singing style, so early that I can't even remember when she wasn't there. Before Billie Holiday, before Jennifer Nettles, before Sheryl Crow, and way before I finally discovered Janis Joplin (and really, what took me so long?), there was Kim Parker.

It's cool to be able to trace these things back.

The rest of the weekend passed mostly without event. Georgia lost to Florida, there was some family stuff not worth mentioning, I did my laundry, and then came home, to Athens. I missed it.

Back to school tomorrow pour moi. Everyone wish me luck. Break's over.

3½ weeks until Thanksgiving, yo. The bicoastal Tollerson sisters reunite. Ya'll lock up your sons.