Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

I put absolutely no stock into this kind of thing, but Mom and Dad (a Libra and a Scorpio, respectively) cut my birthday horoscope out of the paper and presented it to me today after taking me out for lunch and other fun things this afternoon.

TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (MARCH 6). Simply put, your life gets better this year. Unexpected money flow will help you celebrate your birthday by doing something you've been looking forward to. You will find peace in a relationship that has held you in some degree of unrest. April brings you new fans. An intriguing puzzle makes your summer an adventure. Libra and Scorpio adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 8, 40, 20, 11 and 15.

It doesn't quite help, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

My joke about my life now is the kind that is funny because it is painful. Right about the time I was going to graduate from high school, lo these many years ago, there were two things I was certain of: I hadn't chosen a career yet, but I knew there was no way it would involve websites. I also knew that no matter what, once I moved out of Winder, I would never, ever move back.

This, Internet, should teach you a small but important lesson about hubris.

Not only have I been building an entire business out of websites for almost three years, but about 8 weeks ago, experiencing financial hardship, I moved back to Winder. I now split my time between my parents' home and a housesitting gig for a family friend. I actually commute to my gym in Athens to work out with my trainer once a week, so great is my commitment to my muscles. Outside of that, however, the move has proved to be fairly isolating. I was pretty much decimated fiscally when I decided to make the move back, so at the present I have no money to buy gas or go get a beer with my friends, and worse, I have no cell phone.

This is the longest I have been without a phone since I was 17, and while I understand that there was a world before cell phones, I have to tell you that these days, the world is set up for mobile but connected people. So great is my longing for a new phone that I have dreamed of the one I am saving up for multiple times. Editorially I have always vowed to stay far away from gadgetry as a topic of my writing, but Internet, that should simply highlight how important this has become.

Pretty much all of my internal dialog is consumed by financial planning now, trying to figure out which bill to pay off when and how does that effect when and what I eat — and eventually, when I'll be able to move home to Athens — and while it is important to me, it hardly makes for compelling prose, so until I get obsessed with a man again, or get really depressed, or have some great news to announce, I have a feeling I am going to be quite humdrum for awhile. I hope, Internet, that you'll stick with me all the same.

Well, what can I say, Internet? It has been kind of a crazy few weeks. I have been so busy with normal, day-to-day living, as well as just mentally unpacking all that has gone on, that I haven't been checking in as much as I would like.

We'll start with the basics, because that seems like as good a place as any to start. There was the Boston trip. There was a great deal more family conflict than I really cared for. I didn't get to see much of the city, spending most of the time being shuffled from location to location or trapped in an apartment.

On the upside, I got to spend time with both my sisters, which was lovely. I got to meet a few of Sarah's dear friends, who were for the most part great people, and made me feel like my baby sister is being taken care of up there in the seemingly cold north. I walked a lot, which I feel could only be good for me. And while I loathe being away from home, for some reason I love the act of the roadtrip -- driving through a part of the country I had never seen before, stopping at random gas stations and restaurants, and that feeling of being on your way somewhere. That feeling that makes you temporarily forget every goal besides your destination. There is something kind of meditative about that part. When you can ignore the screaming and antagonism from the other passengers, that is.

Things I learned on the road to, and from, Boston: Read More »

Next week I'm traveling to Boston with my parents see my sister, Sarah, graduate college. My parents have rented a minivan for the occasion. I can promise you that even with the current price of gas, going by automobile is much less stressful than trying to convince my father to fly; not to mention the general farce that is the airline industry these days.

The big downside to driving is I can't get drunk and doze off.

Sarah and I are discussing the upcoming trip, in which my father, my mother and I will be trapped in a rented Kia minivan together for hours on end.

“That is going to be really entertaining; I wish I could be there.”

“Well, maybe I'll have to take notes.” I laugh. “You know, they've talked about putting me down as one of the drivers, so that should be interesting.”

Sarah pauses a moment, then says in a slightly serious tone, “Now I'm picturing you driving a minivan.
“It's a pretty disturbing image.”

Geek talk with CB; lunch with Mom and Dad, because they think everything I say is hilarious and they make me feel like a standup comic; Hot Kathy (Demo) by Apes & Androids; EveryTopicInTheUniverseExceptChickens.com; Defaced; the photos of Franca Alejandra (warning: some are NSFW);The Scissor Sisters on Passions (which you've got to admit is just fucking weird; twitter (like having an AIM "away" message without the annoyance of actually using IM of any kind); “You move Smoothly!: Cute five-year old breaks out moves, kicks out jams, etc.” Let My People Come, The Musical; “Slab City. Several hundred people spontaneously built a city on desert land that was owned by the government, and continued to occupy it for decades despite the absence of any services that are taken for granted in civilization, such as water, power, gas, sewage, garbage, phone, postal or governmental authority.”

In theory, I should take this opportunity to complain.

Why? Life is stressful, and over the years, when my life is stressful, I go on the Internet and whine about it. You could say this is because I'm a blogger (a term I abhor, by the way) but I think it makes me more of a livejournaler.

Zing!

In any case, registering complaints with the ethereal “out there” has become totally boring. Yeah, I'm freaking out about (my lack of) money most of the time and I don't leave the house as much as I probably should and I spend a bunch of time up in my own head worrying about the future, but do I have to keep talking about it? It's old news!

What am I going to do instead? Focus on the cuteness of my new, shorter hair, of course:

Curious about the state of things? Well, although actual funds tend to be slow to trickle in, my business is brisk, and I am working steadily on a wide variety of projects. Most of the time I am actually having a great deal of fun “at work” and more importantly, being consistently challenged. Sure, there were a couple days this week when I didn't eat at all but that is a small price to pay for being able to set my own schedule, and not having to report to a manager or worry about office politics. I mean that.

Of course, the one downside to being so busy is not having energy—creative or raw—to pour into much else, so that's why it's a currently a Tollerson family Christmas on this site. This usually means that we managed to get the decorations up, but because we lack general time and initiative, we probably won't get them down until sometime just before my birthday in early March. It's just like being a kid again!

Apropos of nothing: someday, I would like to go back to my old style of writing. Not the whiny one but the other one, in which I tell outrageous stories of misadventure. The only problem is, I don't get into as much trouble as I used to. This is something I feel I need to remedy—lately I feel like I'm aging a little too fast.

“I’m 23. Remember how old 23 seemed when you were little? I mean, I thought people were going to be traveling in airlocks, and I would have 5 kids.
Here I am. 23.
Things are um, they’re basically the same.
I think time’s running out to do something bizarre. Somewhere around 25 bizarre becomes immature.”
- Singles

Last night I had a dream that I lived in a large houseboat with a couple dozen other people. It wasn't really like a houseboat but more like a small steamship that had been converted on the inside to house people. The bedrooms were long and narrow, with a dozen people in each one, kind of like what you might imagine an orphanage might look like, but with bigger beds. I remember havings the distinct feeling I was living here because my parents lived just up the dock, on land in an actual house, and even though I had to share a bedroom here I actually got more privacy. I have no idea where that idea came from but to my dream self it made lots of sense.

When the dream opens up it's night, and I'm walking into my bedroom, and getting into the first bed, my bed. A tan heavily tattooed young man is lying next to who I presume is his sleeping girlfriend in the next bed, and he watches and smiles as I get into bed and then take my clothes off once under the covers (apparently, I sleep naked even in my dreams now). Then I turn over and go to sleep. Read More »

A lot has happened and nothing has happened while I've been away, Internet. I did Christmas with the family, Charleston with my friends, said goodbye to the single most influential force in my life thus far, and met a dozen or so new and wonderful people.

Then I came back to Athens. And I've felt completely weird ever since. It's a feeling I always get in Charleston, which, being a city I don't particularly care for, has a tendency to throw me way out of my comfort zone on those extended stays. There is no good way to describe it other than I feel “off”. I expected it to release it's hold on me when I came home, but it's hung around in one way or another. This is only a hollow sinking feeling in my gut though. In reality, I own the motherfuckin Classic City. I have friends, regular haunts, a job where everyone digs my work, a swank apartment, and depression-wise, I'm feeling less episode-dy than I have in years. I get up everyday excited to get some shit done (after a shower and a few big gulps of a caffeinated beverage, anyway). It doesn't take every sheer ounce of will I have to make myself walk out and face the world in the morning. This is progress! Read More »

But I did just redesign your hub for all things Tollerson.

Yes, my Dad actually owns that domain. Smiths everywhere should now cower at the awesome power of a seven-letter three-syllable Nordic name.

I walk into the room where my sister, Sarah, and my Mom and Dad are together talking.

“This is why I contend that demons roamed the earth before we were here.” says my father emphatically.

I assumed that I had simply come in during the wrong part of the conversation, by my mother and sister are just staring at him as well.