Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

I had a dream last night that I was traveling the country in an old Aston Martin1, breaking into people's homes and stealing food from their fridges because I didn't have any money. I didn't look like myself; I was fit, lean, but slight, a little shorter than I really am, with straight strawberry blonde hair and a pointy chin.

Despite my choice of car, I was absolutely compelled by my hunger. The thing Dream Me did that struck me as especially cavalier is stick around to slice my newly acquired apple, carefully make a sandwich, or flip through a magazine left on the kitchen counter while I downed a banana. Read More »

1. 1. like this one but cream colored, with a dull finish and in need of a wash

I had a dream last night that I was an orphan, living in an orphanage that was some cross between a warm version of the one in Annie and the dormitory in Real Genius. There was some cookie and lip gloss eating contest going on, in which I was not participating, but I remember feeling that the stakes in the contest were quite high; the winners were to be spared from some unnamed but dark fate.

I snuck through some small, short door between the contestants, who were measuring their success somehow by filling large, Plexiglas bins that resembled aquariums. In the dream I was a child, but I still had to duck and shimmy through the door, which was square and only a few feet tall. The door was sunk a couple of feet into the wall and had aged iron hardware; it felt very Alice in Wonderland. I came out into an empty, sun filled room. The side that I had come out of mirrored the opposite wall; both walls had the same small wooden doors in the center and were otherwise covered with large planks of light colored wood, that had been finished and polished to a high gloss sheen. The floor was covered with the same wood. The walls to my left and right were painted an eggshell color, and above me was a dome of glass. The room was easily half the size of a high school gymnasium, but I remember thinking that was secret, that it was a place only I knew about, even though I had never been there before, I had known all the time of its existence. Read More »

My dear, dear friends; CB insisting that I go see Beck with him, and that it's his treat; fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; quality time with Zach at the beginning of happy hour; getting plenty of sleep; owning up to the fact that I was horribly unhappy at my old job, and even though I have no money now, I somehow still feel like the luckiest girl in the world

The Subliminal Reassurances of Procedural Dramas, the Christmas lights in the trees on Clayton Street, pumpkin pie, the fact that I've finally found a reason to make this list again for the first time in weeks

attempting and succeeding at chocolate chip pancakes; a hard-earned fatigue; a new puppy; waking up to my iTunesAlarm well before the buzzer goes off; hope; having somewhere to be first thing in the morning (no, really!); My Chemical Romance (I've listened to their single, Helena, 72 times in three days); being at my lowest weight in at least 4 years

Work today was looooooooong. Everytime I was about to go home for lunch something would happen (I'd get a rush incident, torrential downpour would begin outside, someone would get me started ranting on something) so I ended up working 7 and ¼ hours straight through with no real break and no food.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted and cranky, looking forward to a small bowl of curried fried rice, and maybe some cheese eggs and toast.

I forgot my key, and the door was locked. I laid my head against it and pounded three times. I had a very singular vision in mind: I had to nuke rice. I had to do it now.

Melissa answered, all smiles, as per usual. You can count on her to be upbeat. Abie greeted me midway through the hall and scratched my back. It's one of her superpowers. It has the greatest, most soothing, stress releasing effect for such a simple action. And to top it all off: the Indian was in the kitchen, making food. Making fettucini alfredo with homemade sauce and grilled chicken. Melissa was steaming zucchini and broccoli. They were going to feed me. I was going to have a real meal, my first real meal in at least a week. One that didn't involve rice or cheese eggs. This was officially the Best Thing That Had Ever Happened To Me.

Well-nourished and full of vitamins and protein, I was able to get some laundry done, go on a beer run to Wally World and take a long walk with the Indian. It was a good night, the most charming part being when my straight but very metrosexual best friend spied the maroonish shoes next to my bookshelf and exclaimed with masculine delight,

“Are those Steve Maddens?”

They are. I was promptly scolded for not wearing my very cute shoes more often and had to put them on right away.

...

Three am. There is a long series of loud booming noise outside in the hall. Having become accustomed to loud disruptive noises of all sorts due to construction, I fully ignore it for five minutes until it dawns on me, it's three in the goddamn morning. No one gets started this early.

I go to the front door and look out the peep hole. This is the only thing I have ever used the peep hole for: checking out the door of #5. I'm laughing at the scene in the hall for another four minutes, also concerned about the noise—which is ongoing and is now accompanied by some very loud and violent cursing/yelling—when Melissa awakes.

“Jenna, what's going on?”

“The drunk bitches across the hall are locked out of their apartment.”

These two girls are pounding, kicking, screaming at the door, no pause. The one who obviously orders the other one around (that's always the case in a pair of bitchy girls) has a cell phone, and she keeps getting irate and shouting at her cell phone to the person who is not answering her calls. (“Motherfucker pick up the fucking phone.”, “ARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!”, etc.) I do not know what she thinks that will accomplish.

Pretty soon Catie is up, ready to start throwing things at them.

“What is it about this building?!? Why do we get all the crazy neighbors?!?”

Easily 10 more minutes into pounding/screaming/cursing, we are seriously thinking about calling the cops, and then the Indian is up, and is the only one ballsy enough to actually open up the door and say something.

Indian: “Fucking quiet down, people are trying to sleep.”

He shuts the door. The Noise continues. He walks back and opens it again.

Indian: “We're trying to get some sleep over here!”

Drunk Bitch #1 (squawking): “Yeah well we're trying to get into our fucking apartment!”

Indian: “I don't really care. Just shut the fuck up already.” Slams door.

DB#1 (through door): “My ass!”

Catie (facetiously): “That is absolutely the most appropriate response in this situation. ‘My ass!’”

30 seconds after that someone showed up/answered the door and finally let them in.

I think it's safe to say we will not be making friends with our new neighbors in #5.

me [14:42] we're pretty goofy
N   [14:43] yes, yes we are, but we are fun!

The weekend was a total whirlwind. I spent a whole lot of it either drunk or hungover, but always, always having a good time. I strengthened a friendship, went to a few shows, ate lots of yummy things that I didn't have to cook, went to a keg party, did tons of laundry, cleaned my room, met new people, got lots of free booze, cleaned up lots of spilt beer, and vomited, quite a number of times.

It was very busy.

What follows is perhaps the only story from the weekend I can tell in a public forum:

Let's set the scene. Our hero, Jenna, is sitting in her neighbor's apartment, at least 11 beers in, at the foot of a bed. She is passively people watching.

A very unattractive young frat boy seats himself next to her.

Curtain.

I am an Intellectual



Which America Hating Minority Are You?

Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons

My Phase is Hubris



Which Phase of the Greek Tragic Cycle Are You?

Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons

I'm a Heretic!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

My new favorite thing: Nivea® Creme, which comes in 88¢ tins at the Wally World.

I ate a bowl of Hunny B's for lunch today and was dissapointed considerably by the taste. Upon further inspection I noticed that they have taken out the little honey pot crackers and left only the B's. Blah. My favorite cereal laid to waste by those bastards at Kellogg's.

Abie bought me this totally bitchin' watch, and I'm not sure if this comes across in the picture or not, but it is HUGE, and so pimpin. It goes well with the pimp hat, I think.

Monday Night movie is being officially reinstated. Get in touch with me for info.

Happy birthday to the Kirbys, collectively! Especially you. Yes, you are my favorite.

Which British Band Are You? Read More »

A beer truck's roof was peeled off under a low bridge and beer flowed into the streets.

And the people rushed the streets and licked the pavement.

Well, not really. But when I saw the headline on CNN's news ticker thingie, that's the mental image I got. Doesn't that make the the story at least a little more interesting?

Speaking of mental images, we had one of those 'special dinners' at the dining hall today. You don't need to know much except it means food even better than our day-to-day food. So I'm almost at the end of the line, near some casseroles, the guy behind me sees said casseroles and vocalizes loudly,

"Oh my ggggodddd, this is amazing, wow. Oh my god."

For some reason I was the only person who smiled and giggled playfully at the display, while everyone else just averted their eyes, as if they were embarassed for him. Maybe it's because it sounded exactly like he had an orgasm right there in the dining hall.

At least that's what it sounded like to me.

He must have been starving.