Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Someone please remind me never to leave voicemails.

I'm just not breezy enough for them. Really!

So I just finished my advising appointment (don't even start on me about not getting advised until the week before Thanksgiving) and found out something that has made me cuss in my head about everything for the last half-hour.

I'm transferring the Franklin College next semester from University Studies. I need two sciences: a biological one and a physical one. I did not know this, so currently I have two physical sciences, and have to take yet another science next semester.

But oh, it gets so much better.

My second science, the one I don't need, is one I am taking right now, Marine Enviroment, and I'm going to either come close to failing it or actually fail it due to some sleeping through a test on my part and a general non-understanding of the material at large. So, this class, that I don't need to graduate or transfer or for anything is basically going to completely trash my GPA and make the next year be even a even bigger struggle to catch up than the last one. And I didn't even need it!

The mistake is basically me thinking that science is science is science and that all four hour labortory courses are essentially the same.

See, the worst thing is, this is my fault.

In my head I'm chanting "I'm a fuck-up, I'm a fuck-up, I'm a fuck-up..." but it my heart I'm trying my damndest not to believe it.

Hopefully I'm be better by tomorrow. Afterall, it does no good not to bitch about everything incessantly. This just has completely ruined my Friday afternoon.

I've been doing the backwards math for longer than I can remember. All my life, it seems.

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get 5 good hours."

I've been awake for two hours now, lying in bed, curled up and warm under my covers, and everytime I start to relax, my mind starts racing.

I think about how the club has been open for almost exactly a year now and all it has done is virtually put my family in the poor house. I think about how you can work very hard with all your heart and still get nothing in the end. I think about being able to pay for my education, being able to get a job years from now. I think about what will happen to me if I don't get into the art school here.

Sometimes I think in terms of PHP, and my brain fires off a series of "echo"s and "$"s and semicolons. I think about querying databases and writing to text files and trying (though usually not succeeding) at getting my head around the big picture. Trying to remember how it all fits together. Read More »